After feelings

I know I can do it but sometimes it's good to release your emotions. I have been online for 4h 31min 36s. So long because I not yet ready. Not ready for what's prepared for me or what I've prepared for myself. I do not want to face the truth. I thought I would not be affected and be stronger. I was wrong. I can't or is it because I didn't even give my mind the chance to get off the thing?

In my mind, being offline means ending today before it ends. Today is memorable so I'm reluctant to go. I'm afraid if I go, everything will be the past. Everything will be gone. Everything will only become memories...

I don't want to face the truth. I don't want to be reasonable. I want to be rebellious because I know what's going to happen next.

But it's time to face the truth. Things will never be the same again...

Is this the end?

That was a special day
23 March 2002.

I believe there is definitely a sense of sadness in everyone of us whether we admit it or not, it is another thing. Three and a half years of life in NP, if I say that I don't feel anything, it is a lie.

I remember the first day that I step into NP. We were left in a room where two NCOs talk to us. As there wasn't enough chairs, we had to share with someone else. Since I was the only one from my class, I didn't know anyone. Then there was Ngai Ying who was also alone. She became my first friend in NP.

In NP, we always have interaction. I remember that the favourite question of all the ics was "Why did you join NP?" Then I will always come up with lame excuses but I think only a few people know the real reason. That is, it is easier to earn CCA points.

At first, NP was very strict. So, I dare not pon parades and I went for almost all the parades in Sec1. There was once during assembly, Ms Yeo said that for those who has full attendance for CCA for two years will get a gift from her. Then I was thinking, it's so easy. However, things change when I was in Sec 2.

I started to think that NP is getting sian and I realised that it was very easy to come up with excuses and they were accepted. Then, I started to pon parades.

At the end of Sec 2, me, Joanna, Sean, Yap Jia Hao and Nicholes went for the NPCC day parade. That was when I got back the interest to go to NP. There we were able to do things that we didn't get to do in school. We took out our beret in the open, sit in full U, march without clutching our fists and many more. The best thing is we do not have to see the CIs! The five of us were thinking why we were chosen. We finally came to a conclusion. WE HAD PON TOO MANY PARADES IN SEC 2 LIAO!

Then, we became NCOs. The first event was the ORD. I was the duty NCO and helped in the control room. It was fun as that was our first event. Then came the national event and the West Coast Hike. We had a combined debrief of 3 hours.

There were two most memorable events in my NP life. First was the annual camp. In the past when I was a cadet, I never went for any NP camp. The first NP camp that I went was as an NCO. I think what I remember most is the debriefs. On the first night, we had debrief till around 3am. Then that day, I had sentry duty at 4.15am and we had to wake up at 5 plus. So after I finished my sentry duty, I only slept for half an hour. It was the least sleep I had ever had in my whole life. It was during the camp, I saw the squad working as ONE. Although we ahd a lot of scoldings for the camp, I think that we did a good job. That was when I got closer with my squad.

The secong event is the drill com. I came up with the formation. We had six at first then cut to four then to two. This was the first time I got so into something since a long time ago. Wanyi was the commander. It wasn't easy. I remember on the first training, Nic and a few didn't come. Then we had to choose the reserves. We didn't know how so we left the decision to Sir Mun Fong who came up with a lame excuse that because Sunny is involved in the planning, he will be taken out. Here, I have to say a big sorry to Sunny cause I know how much he wanted to be in the squad but had no choice. It was at this time that I got to know Wanyi better, really better. I realised I didn't really talk to her in the past and didn't know her well. During this period of time, both of us encouraged each other and we almost gave up on the competition but then because of Mrs Lee's insistence, we joined the competition. When we were training for the competition, we actually became so angry with Mrs Lee that we came up with the idea of Mrs Lee, Ms Loke and Mr See marching in a three man squad. Though we had a hard time, we pulled through and became the 1st runer up. I do not want to say the reason but I think we were pretty lucky after all.

30 July 2005. I bid goodbye to NP.
These are all the wonderful things that I have encounter in my NP life. Today, all these have become fantastic memories that will always be in my heart. Always, forever, and ever...

I don't know

I hate to say I don't know because it's the easiest thing to say. It's the easiest thing to say because it's an excuse to run away from responsibility...

I went out last night and I loved that feeling. As I was on my way back, I suddenly felt a sense of loneliness. I thought about a lot of things. What are we doing on this earth? Are we just the chess of some giants? Or are we just in a state of mind that thinks that there are things happening around us but there is actually nothing? I do not believe in reincarnation and I believe that a lot of people think so too. That's way people say that we should cherish our lives when we are living. However, I have a question here. Since when we are dead, we are nobody, why must we cherish our lives now as we will not remember anything anymore.

I think I'm pretty down these days. I have to recover or it will soon become depression.

Story or Crap

Prelim oral today. Hmm... I think I could have done better in my reading, not enough confident.
Picture description was better than I thought. Maybe is because I kept to my stand all the way. Conversation wasn't right for the first question. I misinterpreted the question but she prompted me back so I came up with a stupid answer. Second question was pretty well answered because it's a real answer. Overall, I think it's ok.

Blogs

Is reading people's blog the first thing you do when you log on to the internet? Or do you read them the last thing before you got off the net?

Well, I read a person's blog the first thing I when I get connected. Sometimes I got online just to read that person's blog. His blog is interesting and you get to learn from him. Not only that he uses fantastic English that I can learn from but also from the experiences that he had encountered as a twenty plus person.

Someone told me that I should say something about prelims in my blog. When I write a blog, I try not to focus everything on my own life as others may not want to know so much about my life. Thus, I will normally write one or two things about me and try to relate it to a general person in hope that when a person reads my blog, they can say something like," Eh, that happens in my life too."

Boring or Amazing

Haven't been writing for a while. No mood or should I say nothing interesting to write...

Was on a bus today when coming home. Crowded. I managed to squeeze in anyway. This might seems like another normal ride home but something happened. There was this old women about 60 to 70 years old. She pressed the bell before the stop but the bus driver somehow forgot or what didn't stop the bus. The distance between the next stop and the stop that she intended to alight was pretty far. Its across the West Coast River. I wasn't mad at first cause I've met with this kind of incident before. What upset me is that the driver did nothing to apologise to that lady. So the poor lady shouted across the bus to the driver to ask him why didn't he stop. As expected, the driver didn't reply her. Then she got off the bus and went to the front door to ask the driver. To my amazement. the driver despite hearing the old lady's question, close the door and drove off without looking at her or making an apology to her. This behaviour disgusted me.

Is life really that simple that boring and that standard? Do we go to a school then work then meet someone you like then have a family? This is the kind of life that I thought everyone will have when I was young. I was always told that all the fairytales and drama series are fake. Until when I grow up, I realise that life can be a bit more exciting and unexpected. You always thought that only on TV can you see people stuck in a spoiled train when they are rushing for time. I thought so until the same scenario happened to me. Then I realise that life is not that stable as we have thought. Definitely you don't see people holding knifes and going after you everyday but if you look carefully at your life or the lives of the people around you, there may be some things that you have missed out.

You won't cherish something until you have lost it. You won't know what is it like until you have experience it.

Respect the reasonables

Everyone respects people that are reasonable. Everyone knows the rule but there are some that do not practise this.

Some people are just unreasonable. Giving instructions at the last minute without the presence of the people involved is just a way of not facing the people. Being angry with things that concern a group of people and letting out the anger on others is wrong. If she feels that by doing this the people will respect and be afraid of her, she is very wrong. We only respect people that are reasonable. By throwing her temper around is not going to earn her any respect. She feels that we do not obey her because we are rebellious. Does she know our reason? Does she hear? Or even does she even care?

We have our own reason for everything we do and I believe that she also has her own reason for making her decision. After thinking for very long, the only reason I can come up with is that she wants us to respect and listen to her. Or in other words, afraid of her.

When she announced her decision, she did not make it clear to everybody involved. She did not even care to look for those not there personally. What is this? If she thinks that she is right, she should be proud of it and annouce it to whom it may concern. Even those that will be affected in years to come. Now that she didn't, we can see how proud she is of her decisio

Personally feelings should not affect a person's work.

Happy 4th of July!

No. We don't have fireworks or BBQ. Cos we are not in US. So, should I move to US? No, don't think so. Well it's Independence Day today. This reminds me of the song Independence Day that Carrie Underwood sang in the finals of American Idol 4. It's a lovely song. (especially sang by her)

Never mind. I shall wish Happy Birthday to myself! :)

House of Wax

Watched House of Wax dvd today.
Comment on the show: The most disgusting show ever watched.

The show has disgusting scenes of how people were killed and lots of bloody scenes.
For example, there's a scene where by the person was shot on the head by a sort of pole. She then fell onto the floor vertically with the pole going deeper into her head and her head eventually cracked...

All I can say about the show is that it is quite scary and disgusting but it is a bit draggy when they were finding the House of Wax. It took about half of the show to find the place and I think it's not necessary.

So, if you want something that will spoil your appetite, go watch House of Wax.